It's been a long time since I posted here on RD/KA!. So long, in fact, that, as has happened before, the mere fact of the lengthy silence has become a topic in its own right. But this time the issue is more than just the vagaries of my mental health, as explained in previous posts (eg. here, here, and here); more than that, there has been a serious reorientation in my gaming priorities, as well as some reconsideration of the very purpose of this blog.
In the weeks' silence since last December it isn't too fanciful at all to say that the sight of the same ever-appearing RD/KA! front page was a veritable incubus (meaning #2, naturally enough!) for your would-be scrivener. A perpetual goad, this ever-unchanging web-presence would probably've amounted to little more than another landmark of unfinished business had it not been for, among other things, this most recent comment posted by some anonymous well-wisher only last week.
There has been a bare handful of comments posted to old posts in the weeks since that last celebration of Battlelore. But none of them gratified and encouraged me as much as that last one. Thank you, whoever you were. Your encouraging words, appended to that post of all posts, turn out to have amounted to the bottle's message which made the unexpected journey there and back again.
And as for the question asked by my anonymous benefactor? "[Am I] OK? Did the latest treatment help?" The answer I can give, with satisfaction but without much celebration is an emphatic, "Yes!".
The past months have dragged me as low as I have been since the days of the dancing scalpels. I have endured much pain when I thought I'd be enjoying better fortunes. I have tried a risky experiment in living without medication, which has proved to me that I really can't get by without some kind of mind-altering chemicals for the sake of mood stabilisation. I have only recently recovered to the degree that I begin to remember that just living is a boon in its own right, all circumstance notwithstanding.
The roleplaying has been a casualty of this unfortunately, with the Sunday WFRP group and Bill's Wednesday D&D campaign both having been dissolved. But boardgames have come to the rescue, as my recently updated BGG games played profile can testify.
Game on! ;)
3 comments:
I'm so glad you're back and you're doing well! Welcome mate, welcome and game on :)
Reading about the reasons for your absence and about your recovery cheered me up as much as seeing the patients I'm dealing with myself get better with treatment! I'm a doctor working mostly with Alzheimer's disease although I also see a lot of depressions, and I've enjoyed your blog tremendously. Welcome back!
Josef, Sweden
John.
Can I just say what a relief it is to have you back. As you probably know, I use this blog as a sort of barometer of your moods and this long absence has had me very worried. I've been checking this blog every day to monitor your progress. I have been constantly querying our mutual friends as to your condition, all the while being far too scared to approach you myself.
Scared? Why on earth would I be scared? Well, there is this little thing called "verification", "reinforcement" or even " affirmation" in certain circles. Essentially, it`s what happens when some interfering but good intentioned busy-body tries to talk a good friend out of a slump. Often, the instinctual responce is to agree and nod to statements such as "life sucks" and "things are really crap" only to go and offer a positive comment.
Unfortunately, quite often its the agreement that registers most in the heads of the person who is ill, rather the positive comment. Knowing myself to be the most big-mouthed, senseless and insenstive idiot I know, I must confess that I deliberately try to avoid you when your feeling down.
Not because I dont care, though it might ironically give you that impression, but because I do. Whenever you have one your bad spells, I get worried that I`ll just make a bad situation worse. All the more since I actually got up of my rear end about a year ago and read-up on your condition.
This was probably the worst mistake I ever made. We all the know the danger of a little knowledge. Instead of actually helping me to relate to you and your condition, it's just made me all the more indecisive when it comes too the all important question: should I visit or not?
Please dont for one minute take my silence as a lakck of concern for your well being. Despite our many, many differences (all political, I have to add) I consider you a valued friend and enjoy your company. Hmm, come to think of it, I reckon our frequent arguements make me enjoy your company even more.
All Im trying to say is that I`m gald your back. I am sorry if, in trying to be a friend, I have been everything but. You know what it is they say about the road to good intentions.
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